|Our son's beautiful birthmother, Brianna.|
A lot of people think we’re crazy for having our adoptions as open as we do. I suppose a better word than “think” would be “know”. They know we’re crazy. But if I know I’m acting crazy, then I must not be insane. Right? Right? Come one, I’m looking for some reassurance here. Either way, we’re not going to change the way we do things.
With our first adoption, we found ourselves wrestling with a bunch of legal issues. So, in order to make it work, the only thing we could think of doing was to have Brianna (our wonderful birthmom) fly out to Idaho where we live. Giving birth in Idaho made it so we were subject to the adoption-friendly Idaho laws instead of the adoption-difficult laws of Mississippi. She lived with us for the last two months of her pregnancy. That’s right. She lived with us for two months. We had a pregnant teenager in our home- we didn’t know her before- she had no local friends- no school to go to or anything else to do. Ya know what, though? It was great! It was crazy, no doubt, but it was great. We knew at the time that it was crazy but we also knew that it was a good idea.
When our second adoption came along, I remember chatting with our caseworker:
“Yeah,” I smirked. “There’s no way we’d do that again. Imagine all of the things that could have gone wrong.”
“Oh, I bet you would,” He laughed. “If you were impressed to do it again, I bet you would.”
“You’re probably right,” I said after a pause. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that again.”
With our second adoption, we didn’t do anything unusual. Well, nothing too unusual to open adoption. Still, many people would, and do, think we’re loco. Cookoo or not, though, it’s what is right for our family. Sara (our wonderful birthmom) lives just a few miles away and used to come to our home two or three times a month. That’s the life we live and that’s the life we love. Nobody is making us do anything. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t something that just came natural with either adoption. That’s why it’s crazy. That natural feeling is jealousy. That’s what’s natural, and believe me when I say that we felt our fair share of jealousy, but we have come to terms with our roles. Maybe “come to terms” isn’t the right way to say it. We’ve come to embrace the fact that we are adoptive parents. We love having a unique extended family. We love it. Crazy, yes, but not insane.
Next blog: having birthparents in our own home… can that really work?